Thursday, December 22, 2005

Unfortunately Friends, This is What Our World is Coming To

A Politically Correct Holiday Greeting Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my wish for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, non-addictive, low stress, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday (or summer solstice for those in the southern hemisphere – not to suggest that one hemisphere is necessarily greater/lesser than the other), practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, as well as the secular practices of your choice, but with full respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. And further, please accept my wish for a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contribution to our diverse society has helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “America” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, veteran status, computer platform or sexual orientation of the wisher, wishee or their third party beneficiaries. These wishes are limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of approximately one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. Use of the term "Holiday" herein is not intended to, nor shall it be considered to be, limited to Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, nor to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community group, individual or belief (or lack thereof). In particular, the word "holiday" is used herein without reference to its etymology. Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable abinitio at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason. This greeting is freely transferable provided that there is no alteration to the original greeting text. Any transfer is to be at the risk of the transferor who, by making such transfer, thereby agrees to hold the wishee harmless from any and all adverse consequences resulting from such transfer. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually take any action or fail to take any action to implement any of the wishes for the wishee her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same. This greeting is void where prohibited by law, custom or policy and is offered irrespective of any card, hard copy greeting or embarrassing self-indulgent letter summarizing achievements in 2005, however mendacious, which may or may not have been purveyed by myself or any member of my extended family. Best (sorry, reasonably endeavored) Wishes. (author unknown)

8 Comments:

At 12/22/2005 09:13:00 AM, Blogger Willis said...

So terrible.

 
At 12/22/2005 09:23:00 AM, Blogger Lucy Jones said...

Is it legal for me to read this?
8-)

 
At 12/22/2005 09:55:00 AM, Blogger Hirons said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 12/22/2005 10:25:00 AM, Blogger Hirons said...

Chris Core read this last night on his radio show. Kinda funny 'cause he didn't mention it was a canned pieced. He read it as if it were his.

p.s. Merry Christmas everyone!

 
At 12/22/2005 10:32:00 AM, Blogger Mitch Cumstein said...

I received it from a colleague via e-mail. Not sure where it came from originally.

 
At 12/22/2005 11:20:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hirons is correct. This was read on his radio show on WMAL. He did it in a way that was mocking the politically correct crowd. I don't know if this has been circulating around the web for awhile.

 
At 12/22/2005 06:05:00 PM, Blogger Willis said...

I wish Mithra was mentioned.

 
At 12/22/2005 11:18:00 PM, Blogger Elle said...

TC (and all), check out this link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10511138/site/newsweek/
kinda gives this all a new spin

 

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